It just doesn't get easier.

 

 10 years go by and life doesn't get better. Could that mean sunshine and lollipops or train wrecks and late night tears.

 Right now it is train wrecks and anytime of the day tears.

Daddy's Hands

I remember daddy's hands folded silently in prayer
And reachin' out to hold me, when I had a nightmare
You could read quite a story in the callous' and lines
Years of work and worry had left their mark behind

I remember daddy's hands how they held my mama tight
And patted my back for something done right
There are things that I'd forgotten that I loved about the man
But I'll always remember the love in daddy's hands

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
There was always love in daddy's hands

I remember daddy's hands workin' 'til they bled
Sacrificed unselfishly just to keep us all fed
If I could do things over, I'd live my life again
And never take for granted the love in daddy's hands

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
There was always love in daddy's hands

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
There was always love in daddy's hands

Read more: Holly Dunn - Daddy's Hands Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

   FarmWife and the little people came home for Arts wedding and after enjoying the wedding yesterday afternoon we came home to enjoy the evening filled with our children. Cots were set up and lots of time taken to get ready bed and not quite as much time taken to fall a sleep. This morning our house is full of noise and more adventures with their own sound affects and songs. There is a robot song  and a mudslide song helping to story to move along.

Some times the hardest thing to do, is just start.

No long drives

 Bubba, had a birthday today.
The boy was due on my twin brothers birthday but came on my brother-in-laws birthday , 5 days ahead of time.
 When I found out we were having another baby, I wanted to go to the big city again, Pa said no.
I found a doctor I liked and after he checked me out and calculated the due date, he informed me, he would take care of me but wouldn't be around in March because it was Spring Training in Florida. I was handed over to the new guy and after a couple of visits I was happy with him. We took our classes and got ready for a mid-March delivery, then just sat around looking at each other.
  March came and my sister stopped by to pick up FarmWife so we could rest. We went to the big city to see "The Devil and Max Devlin", then to the Mall. It was a nice evening. We went to the Hallmark shop to get cards for my brothers and while I was looking at cards Pa decided to go over to the sport shop for a minute. He wasn't happy when he got back and I was in the same place he had left me. He was walking and talking at the same time and I was just staring at him, he got to me and wanted to know why I didn't answer him. I looked at him and said in a loud whisper "EITHER MY WATER HAS BROKE OR I JUST WET MY PANTS" Then we both stood frozen and staring, until another contraction and some more water. We left the big city and on the way home I said "if I had been going to the doctor over here, we could have just gone to the hospital" Pa had just what he did not want, another long drive to the hospital.

  Even after all these years his face was filled with love songs that lead you to her.
He had eyes dark and drawing, skin that caused you to think of the English country side.
She was a beauty the kind that grew softer and better with age.
They were a perfect match in looks and life, anyone would tell you that, anyone but her.  She loved him now, coming into that love like the summer evening slowly moving into the night.

  Poets tell of love in many forms and shapes, hers had been like the hummingbird fast and surprising in it strength. She filled her days with work at the factory. Her evenings spent helping mother with children, cooking and chores, then came the moments of solitude with his letters.
  Marriage was coming with his return, each letter held the newest plan for their life ahead. Payday would add something to her hope chest newly embroidered pillow cases, blankets, table clothes, silverware,  things mothers need not see and dreams.

  The whistle blew, a break called, Sister knew she would find her outside, they always met for those few minutes, a letter may have come and they could share the joys of each other's love's.
 Dappling shade covered the lawn but Sister found it hard see her there by the edge, something was wrong terrible wrong each step proved that, She was like a porcelain figurine yet like a rag doll thrown in a corner.
  In trembling voice "He has come home. He was just here. He doesn't love me there is no wedding, he doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't love me".

  The chest was empty She had given her things to others, she didn't want the reminders, she didn't want this life. Her heart had began to encase itself trying to stop the pain. Pain can lead you to strange places, hers said the CITY, a new life, a free life what ever she wanted, whom ever she wanted, She packed.

    His easy ways drew them together, freedom was all they wanted  the city gave and they took. Evenings spent on the stoop watching, evening spent exploring the city, evening with friends talking, playing cards, being free.

  His love sprouted somewhere along those evenings, slowly it climbed reaching into his heart loosening freedoms grip replacing it with a longing for marriage,family and home.

 She too let go of freedoms grip, Just which day love came only she knows.
  We are left to wonder.

Need a map

 Getting around the in this computer world is getting harder and harder. I have spent hours trying to get on this page, maybe I shouldn't count the time I spent on Pintrest  because I had to get an e-mail telling me about my blog account and got side tracked. OH yeah then there was the whole spider poster that I never did find but I did find some funny signs that went on FB.
 Well, I'm here now.
I forgot what I wanted to say

  I just want to say something.
 I hate Valentine's day!  I have thought of it, as the day you get to find out just how unacceptable you really are, for most of my life.
  I know this thought process comes from grade school days and that over the years I enjoyed parts of the day.
I enjoyed it when the children were little. I still have my treasures of those days. But those were the sweet moments.  As the years have gone by I have returned to hatred of those bygone days. Hallmark, TV, jewelry and candy are all to blame. 
 You must get things today or that "someone" doesn't really love you and wait you can't get just a thing it must be thingS or they might not love you enough. 
 You don't have "someone" pity on you better luck next year or here you can have this.
Back in grade school we got our bags or boxes covered and decorated and ready for all the love coming our way. The big day, valentines passed out, cookies and milk passed out, time to open your cards. This is were the hurt starts, 17 kids in your class and only 12, 11, 10, 8 cards in your box. "How many cards did you get?" "I don't know I'm waiting until I get home." "Why" "I just want to."
 It happened to me and I watched it happen to lots of other kids, it hurt.
  My mom was a wise woman and made sure that we had a card for every kid in our class and yes I remember not wanting to give a certain boy a card, he picked his nose all the time.(still can't handle that) Today things seem different in the schools a gentler kinder party. Today, adults are being put back into classrooms, back to the "How many" only it's "What all did  you get?"  
And as much as I loved the flowers I got I still hate Valentine's day.

Get It done already

We had a garage with a extra room, built just 2 long years ago. It wasn't suppose to take this much time to get it done. Mind you the thing is nicer then our house at this point. I have a wonderful sewing room with a full bath, that has a large shower, tall toilet and space for 2 people to easily move about it. It was built with our parents in mind, now they aren't able to come down and won't be using it and that makes me sad each time I walk into it.

We were ask if we wanted stairs to the attic and like idiots said no, after a couple of trips up the pull down ladder, the stairs were built. The end of summer 1.
The attic was divided and dry walled. I have a large closet over the sewing room with cedar on the walls at both ends to keep bugs out of my yards and yards of fabric and winter coats. A beautiful old wood door to keeps people out if I need to hide gifts.

Summer came and we found out that it was to hot and humid in the closet. We ran free a standing air conditioner and fans in the garage to try and keep it cool in the attic. Then Pa put vents in the ceiling of the sewing room and 2 through the wall fans in the attic closet to circulate air. My mom gave us a dehumidifier to use along with the air conditioner that is in the sewing room, to keep things from mildewing or rotting. That all helped but a large Attic fan is going to have to be put in to help with the circulation and that should take care of that problem and finish the garage but NO.

Problem number 2 is spiders. Last summer HT and I spent the first half hour in the garage killing spiders. They have to have a homing device that lets every spider in the surrounding 5 miles know when one has found a good home so the rest can move to the new subdivision.
Because of wasp in the old shed and work needing to be done in the sewing room we couldn't play out side. It is also the south and the cool of the morning is at 5 AM. So HT learned to kill spiders and ride his 3 wheeler in " Grammy's Darage House".
That the fall Princess moved back home and the garage was filled with her stuff. We were out there one evening cleaning, repacking and killing spiders when Princess came across a Black Widow. The Widow was put in a jar for Babygirls science teacher much to Princess dismay but she was the biggest one I have ever seen, so why waste her?
Now spring has come again and so have new settlers, making me crazy. Princess has moved out and last night I was cleaning, rearranging and killing spiders when Pa came around to the back. Letting him know that something has to be done, we can't go through this again Pa said the only thing to be done is to close in the garage doors and so because our garage is not used for cars Pa will be building walls were the doors go and the spiders will just have to find yet another new subdivision.
PLEASE Dear Lord can this be the finish with no problems PLEASE? FarmGirl and Hands are coming for a visit and we need all that room

I'm as sick today as I was 8 years ago. I hate snakes, my fear has a physical effect on my body and every time I think about my daughter I get that same feeling. 

  After I have seen a snake and know I'm safe I shiver and giggle a little in relief. Oh how I wish I could experience that feeling.

It has been a cold and rainy day here in the realm, one of those days that might just send you back to bed for a nap or at least a blankie and a book or movie. Not me I have been busy harvesting crops.
I forgot I did go back to bed this morning, Pa went to Lowe's (his home away from home) and I piddled around the inter-net instead of sleeping. Then I got to work, no then I called Pa, who was about to have lunch with TD, and said I wanted to go to the Loveless Cafe. It was after our drive and lunch that I worked hard, no then I was cold so I wrapped up and watched a movie in between my zombie farming. Was it then that I worked? Well, yes I guess I did, I looked up something for Pa, planted some more crops and started to check out FarmWife's blog but ended up here. That's hard work isn't it? After all it is a cold and rainy night. I'm putting in my last crop of the day, heading over to FW's blog and calling it a night. I'm exhausted..............

Christmas has gone, not one of my best. There has been little music, very little cooking, no baking and no sewing, what have I done with all my free time? I wish I could tell you but I don't even remember and maybe I really don't want to. Christmas has not been bad for the most part it is just that it has not been like the past ones. We didn't make the trip home this year, that brought moments of sadness during the events of the day but we enjoyed the day just the same.
Bubba and Beck have been over more this week them in a long time because of their vacation time.
Today we cleaned out the old shed and if all goes well that ugly thing will soon be gone. Thank you Pa, Bubba and Beck and thank the Lord no one has been hurt in the cleaning out and hauling off of all the junk.
Princess left Christmas night and has not been home since then. She is back and forth on were she stands on staying married, it hurts to think of her back in his control but....that's what choice is about. She called Pa and said HT wasn't feeling good so she was going to stay with him, my thought is bring him home but....
The days ahead will bring a new busy to my life and perhaps come next Christmas there will be cooking, baking and sewing back in this most wonderful time.

October is almost over, lets just hear a loud che...October is almost over, lets just hear a loud cheer, if it is like this one next year I'm taking up beer. That is right, I would just as soon be drunk then ride the roller coaster I have been on this past month. For some reason, in the past 5 years, October and January have become months that I have been so very glad to see come to an end. January has become the month of sickness for me. I tell myself that it is because I get so run down during the holidays that I just catch whatever is going around. I also hold to the thought that, since I am a stay at home Grammy, Pa brings in bugs from work and they like me better them him because I end up in bed and he goes on to work.October is a different story, it is a month of sadness for me. The days can be warm and clear with all the beauty of fall or gray and rainy it makes no difference, always behind the view is a cloud of lonely sadness. Perhaps it is just that cycle of life, that time of getting ready for the deep sleep of snow covered days, or the coming of long days filled with to much dark. This year October has seen a time of rest turned into a time a uneasiness, waiting for G-pa M&M pacemaker replacement and recovery. Princess coming to the end of her marriage, her an HT moving back home, Bubba going through a bad time with work, Bucka's mind returning to a time when life wasn't so good and Mom having to live through that again. Yesterday G-pa M&M being moved from assisted living to shelter care and having trouble eating. Yet there are moments of joy that take the sting out. HT is awesome and has the t-shirt to prove it, we have 3 goldfish living at our house, a friend is able to do her college work because we have wi-fi she can use, one of the best is that My Aunt B gave me quilt tops that were put together by my great grandmother and aunt. The best is that no matter how mad, sad or bad things get I am loved. Loved by the God of all creation, by a man who does not understand me most of the time, by children who let me fuss at them still, because in their hearts they know that I only want them to be their very best, by parents who still want me to be my best, and by grandchildren who, at this time in their lives, thinks I am one of the greats and by friends. How cool is that? So as another October comes to an end, I can look back and be thankful, looking forward to November and the celebration of thankfulness.

Magnificent adj.
grand, splendid, impressive, imposing, glorious. superb, noble, stately.

Machiavellian adj.
unscrupulous, unprincipled, opportunistic, conniving, calculating.

Mix and Match
impressively conniving
superbly calculating

"You were easier to take care of when you were small" My mom said that about us children, when we were teenagers. I thought she was crazy, but now I see the small truth in the statement. I have no desire to stunt my children's growth, the truth is that we are either growing or we are stunted. I have in the past few weeks watched one of my start to grow out of a stunted period. I have watched life return in tiny bits and long for a continuous growth. I have also watched that growth stunned by the person who longs to own and control my child, yes own and control. This is a very hard thing to watch and to try to navigate through as we do not know what tomorrow holds.

Today's blessing...yesterday is gone. Today there is a tiny, tiny, tiny speck of better-ness

Get out, and stay out, I am there tonight, I have tried to and will continue to try and keep me and my, out of the conflict they do not belong. Tonight I am sick, my stomach turns upside down and wants to empty with each thought. How am I going to look at you again without hearing the hate in your voice? Will my child be safe or will every word be hunted for a double meaning? Is there to be real freedom? Tonight I say no, tonight I say you won't change, you don't want to, you have a thin layer that will fall off in a second. Tonight I see a life time of egg shells cracked and broken, not by just one but by all who cause you to supect my child.

I have been very busy learning about lots of things.
1. Job was a great man and he isn't to well known.
2.Feedsacks have an interesting history and you can still buy them on eBay.
3. The last lynching in our town took place in 1943 and white people don't understand why blacks have trouble believing us. That was 10 years before I was born, not so far back in history.
4. Old people and kids get really crazy during the full moon.
5. Do NOT walk through a parking lot like you own it. You will get run down by a middle age/old lady, who has many things on her mind and isn't looking around, when she is backing out of her parking spot.
6. If you think your kids drive you crazy now just wait. They get better at it as they get older and older. Then you get old and get to return the favor.
7. Making Christmas stocking for your grandchildren may take you half their lifetimes to get done.
8. The felt stocking kits don't look as nice in real life as they do on the package.
9. God does provide all the things you will need to get through this life. You may think your going to a counselor for one reason and bam the real reason comes along.
10. Reflexology is a wonderful thing.

The New York Times tells us, that the U.S. warns China about their military bill up. Now don't you just know that China is shaking in their boots. What are we going to do? I know, put in orders for all kinds of equipment and clothing, China will be happy to send us all the things we will need to fight against them and I'm sure it will all be quality products they send us.
Every time I hear or read something about the US warning another country about their wrong doings I am reminded of Rett Butler "Why all we have is cotton and slaves and arrogance."
In 40 years I have watched steel mills grow smaller, refineries close, cloth mills shut down and factory after factory move to China or South America. Just how are we going to, in the words of Teddy Roosevelt "Walk softly and carry a big stick"?
I was told there are cloth mills just sitting in Alabama and the men and women who know how to run those mills are dying off. If push comes to shove how long will it take for us to get the mills up and running to meet our needs. Cotton crops are down this year, were will the cotton come from.
We hear day in and day out about the poor and the need to increase welfare, here is a idea put these people to work. The government is paying them anyway so pay them to learn how to run the equipment that has been left setting. Our money is going overseas for that very reason, to teach poor people how to improve their lot in life. If it is good enough overseas why not here?
Enough of that, here is the deal, first it is not a political party, it is greed and self-centeredness, second it is time to shut our months unless we have a big stick to back it up.

A year ago I thought I was headed down Crazy Street. I had a good talking to myself about it, told myself that Christians don't go down this street, that's what "they" say. It worked I was back on the "right" road, that is until May came along and I found out that I had detoured some were and was back on Crazy Street.
July came and I was in the counselors office laying the groundwork for understanding my crazy. Little did I know, God was putting me in the right place for the new Inter-State Crazy that was coming through my life.

Funny, isn't it, how God works in those mysterious ways.

I had been thinking about dropping Facebook but wouldn't do it because I had reconnected with my cousin's and a few people from back home. One day, a person, I am not well acquainted with, posted something, I thought was STUPID, and I started to clean out my friends list and ended up closing the account.
Again, little did I know, it was God's mysterious ways. I didn't need to be on FB while I'm trying to navigate I-Crazy. I'm sure I would have posted something that did not need to be seen. Once said you can not take it back.
So here I am a Christian on Inter-State Crazy and you know what I am sure God has not had as much trouble dealing with it as I have. I'm just going to head on down the road and with the help of a few of my friends get off on the exit God has picked out for me.

Little boys come to an age when, they eat, drink and sleep super hero's.
There are days when I am in so much danger that it almost takes my breath away.
HT has done his best to keep me and Pa safe, but it has been to much for one little boy. This evening HT became a Super Hero "Big Red Good Guy"
You know hero's have to have a name, HT rejected several descriptive names, I went to fix his bath and found his SH name "BRiGG".
So should you ever need a Super Hero just call BRiGG and he might answer or he may just tell you "don't call me dhat I'm HT to lork at smalltown TN".